October 2, 1970 Friday
Dear Dad and Mom,
Again it is the middle of the day, before a math class. Your letter has come once again.
It did not seem long to me in any way. I have not had so much enjoyment out of reading for philosophy (which I though[t] would be quite interesting but has turned out rather disappointingly) as I had in going over this letter.
I'll bring two points out. One about my disappointment or dislike in philosophy. The other of seeing more meaning for me in what you said. I would much rather study philosophy on my own rather than under some other person's discipline or authority. I may be able to find some way to do this within the course. But that would not be quite right and may cause some difficulty in getting the assigned work done when he (the teacher) wants it.
First things strike me, so as I become aware of them. Then after very much awareness of how I feel; then and only then will I be able to give credit to the feelings
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much less analyze and see why. In other words this is a very slow process for me and Dr. Schulty wants us to do all this plus to be able to convey our feelings or argue our points in a rather effective way. Either I don't feel I'm ready to be pushed in my thinking or philosophy (wanting to let it develop ever so naturally and slowly or cautiously so as not to be confused by other's expressions of their feelings, which may not be truly how they feel anyway - out of misuse of concepts etc.) or I'm too much unprepared for such learning (or indoctrination - whatever it may be) or too lazy to put my efforts toward this that I don't heartily believe in.
I don't feel that he is truly helping us. I only feel that he means us to acquire the assets but through only our own efforts. It does not seem to be that he will help to channel these developments. (This is only the way I feel.)
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I'm very confused right now. And tired. I'm in no way truely depressed or anything. I'm just tired and don't feel much like continuing. I know, though, that I should say a few things before ending. I'm not sure of why or how things affect me really. But your letter more real to me than any studies of mine (my studying can hardly stand up to the concept which the word "studying" usually means, though)
I would rather be involved in live than in any type of study. /Anything I try to say cannot stand for very long. For I think "too much." For life could be thought of as a study itself. Then my statement would be weak. It is
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very hard to say things.
Love,
Mike
P.S. Dad, you have been putting 523 Wesley Hall as my address and not 323. It doesn't really matter because it gets here as they in the school post office make the correction.
Maybe it is a typographical error (just striking the wrong key) as I thought at first. But Maybe it came from copying a mistake (or what turned out to be poor lettering) in the return address I put on my envelopes.